So...Tennessee!

Life has changed quite drastically these last few weeks - and months, really.  I'm learning how to sloooooow waaaaaay dooooooown and rest into our new life in the South.  

Here one day...(excellent 'last SF meal' by the way, even if the service is ridiculously bad)

And here the next:

I can't believe today is the first day of August.  I flew into Knoxville on June 18th, Scotty arrived June 29th, and my former life in San Francisco feels like a dream.  I didn't know that would happen this quickly.  Through all of this change and leaving the City that I have loved for 15 years, I haven't broken down - except for the day of Zoe's graduation from the Rainbow School in Pacifica. 

Oh my how I cried.  I was perfectly fine until they played this song.  Over and over again.  They had it on a loop, people.  What am I supposed to do with that?  Well, of course!  Sob my eyeballs out on a playground with 40 kids and twice as many adults mulling around.  Perrrrfect.  I was extremely thankful that it was a sunny day, and I had on big ole dark sunglasses.  Seriously, it was a huge effort to pull myself together.  But other than that, I've mostly been good.  Very good, in fact.

My job title these days is the age-old profession of Stay-At-Home-Mom.  The freedom to do this job is something that I have always wanted, and...ya know what?  I like the freedom to be able to stay home, but man am I bored!  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we've been sharing one car?  In any case, I think that it's fine for now.  I'm finding ways to keep myself occupied, and I'm able to take really good care of my toddler and my husband, both of whom have desperately needed it and have been deprived of that for several years now.  But, I have been making inroads to the doula scene here in Knoxville, and I must say, it's so lovely to be around women who love what I love - supporting pregnant mamas and new families.  I think that I'm going to pursue a program to become a Lactation Consultant, and I'm really excited about that possibility. 

After a month of very promising, but also very stressful, job hunting, Scotty has landed a job offer.  The details are not yet ironed out, but they will be in the next two days, and I look forward to the next phase of our journey here.  Two months from now, we will be moving into our own place, leaving the comforts of Shasha's (my sister's) house.  It's been SUCH a lovely soft landing to be here with her.  It's worked out well for all concerned, but I think mostly for Zoe.  She said to Shasha the other day - after about 90 minutes of her full and undivided attention, playing 'sleeping in the castle' and 'tea party' and 'I'm the mama and you're the kid while we both traipse around the house in your fancy high heels' - "You're my very best friend."  So sweet. 

Zoe's been doing really well, and I can't tell you how relieved I am about that.  Before we left SF, we were all so stressed out that, understandably, she had a tough time keeping herself together.  There were days that she would just follow me around the house having a fit about something or another, hitting me.  Just hitting me, over and over again.  There was no reasoning with her.  She wouldn't stay in her room, she wouldn't let me hold her, she was just beyond any consoling.  She simply wanted my attention - ANY attention.  Now, she has it most of the time that she's awake, and we are both enjoying it so much.  She's happy, and so am I.

In summation, here's the thing - The whole 39 months of Zoe's life in San Francisco, Zoe NEVER wanted to come home from being out.  It could be 9:30 at night after a fun day spent together, and she would still have a fit about going home.  Every night as we got into the car when I picked her up from my friend Lola's house after I got off of work, she would literally throw a fit.  She did not want to go home.  After only about 4 weeks of being here, the three of us had just had ice cream at our local ice cream parlor, and were driving around downtown Loudon.  For the first time ever, in her whole life, Zoe said - you guessed it -

"I want to go home."

Comments

[Lydia]

Who *wouldn't* cry listening to that version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow? This song was actually on my playlist for labor, but I never got around to listening to any part of that playlist. Labor just flew by. :-)

[Caryn Hoadley]

Oh, my. That IS a tear-jerker of a song. Have always loved it, but hated how emotional it makes me. Can only imagine if I'd been in Pacifica with you on that day, I would have been balling, too. What a sight we'd have made!

It's lovely to read of the transition to the next chapter of your life, and I'm thrilled that Zoe is enjoying it so much as well. SF misses you, but it will always be here for visiting.

Brad, Reed (39" tall, 38# and size 11 shoe!!!) and I send our love. Oh, and best of luck w/ the Lactation Consultant path. It sounds wonderful and a perfect fit for you. Keep us posted!

Caryn

[Shelby Shankland]

Caryn - MY GOODNESS! Reed is HUGE! Lol... I can't believe he's a size 11 shoe. That's crazy. He's way bigger than Zoe and she's 39 months old!! Good for you, Mama. He's a healthy boy. :)

Lydia - I did the same thing! I had a great playlist for labor but when Scott asked me if I wanted him to play music I said NO. ?? So unlike me, as there is always music on around me in my daily life. Funny.

[Catherine]

Shelby, I love your musings, and I love how it sounds as if this new chapter in your life is feeling right. Zoe is precious as usual in her sundress and looks like the picture of summertime with her ice cream cone(SF has been particularly cold this year, everyone is complaining). Congratulations on making the move, and on seeing it through - I know how stressful a time it was. I hope you are enjoying this time with family and able to take some time for yourself - you are always doing for everyone with your most generous spirit. I miss you out here though.

Will be keeping up with you here - love seeing pictures of TN - I do miss my VA sometimes despite the loveliness of CA.

ps....And that house! In looking to possibly buy something in Marin, we are finding it very hard to accept that and avg $625 gets you 2 bedrooms and one toilet. I am thoroughly envious. :) The plan for Gabey and Brian to share the bedroom in our current place is not exactly working out as planned...you know Brian and his sleep.

[Catherine]

You know, you're just going to have to give over to "Y'all" now that you're there. You can't really fight it. At our VA college, even my friends from Jersey adopted it. And a little Southern accent on a little girl is pretty cute, Miss Zoe!