Wow, has it really been that long since I blogged? I suppose lots has been happening around here since then. Mainly, trying to settle in to our new place in the world. We continue to find more and more things to love about this place. I just saw on Oprah (oh, hush. yes, I love Oprah.) a guy that had written a book about scientific studies around happiness. The number one thing that contributes to a person's happiness? Location, location, location. For about 16 years, I was very happy in San Francisco. The last two, I was too stressed out to know if I was happy or not (i.e., I was not so happy). Now, we're here. And I am happy. Don't get me wrong - life has thrown its share of hardships our way in the past few months, for sure. But this is the ebb and flow of life, and like trees, we feel grounded in this place and able to sway with the breezes. For the most part, of course. I make it sound so poetic, when really sometimes it just sucks.
Our latest hardship is the impending passing of our beloved doggie-girl, Jessie. In thinking about our decision around having her cremated and her ashes placed in an urn, I thought that it would definitely be nice to have some memories written down in addition to that bunch of ashes in a box. After all, the spirit lives on, as do memories. So, here we go...
I came upon Jessie during a trip to the Bethlehem SPCA in Pennsylvania, to find a doggie friend to adopt. I had been living back in PA for just a few months, and was lucky enough to be in an apartment that allowed dogs. While walking through the kennels, there were plenty of dogs barking, wagging their tails, etc. But not my Jessie. She was full on splayed up against the fencing of her kennel barking and whining and crying and doing the whole body wag. I found out that she had been picked up as a stray in Bangor, PA. I had a meeting with her in a little room, and she excitedly sniffed around the room and then would rub all up against me and whine and wag, then sniff some more, but always checking back in with me - through my legs, around my body - in between the sniff fest. When I took her out for a little walk she was a total spaz, as can be expected I suppose. But, most of all, she was a happy dog. A six month old, German shepherd/retriever/maybe ridgeback/maybe pit bull, girl. She was caramel-colored with the black face markings of a German shepherd, short hair except for the 'feathers' on the backs of her legs. It didn't take me long to decide that she was the right dog for me. I brought her home with me.
The naming of Jessie comes with a little story, that some of you may find interesting and some of you may not. At the time that I adopted Jessie, I had been very close friends with a woman who still lived in San Francisco. She had the s-w-e-e-t-e-s-t doggie girl I had ever met. It was she who made me want to have a puppy of my own. On my way home from the SPCA, my new doggie girl curled up into a little ball and slept soundly on the passenger seat. I was trying to find a name for her, when all of a sudden "Jessie" popped into my head. I didn't have any friends named Jessie, it wasn't a name I had ever considered even liking. But it flew into my head out of nowhere...and I liked it. I liked it a lot. So, I named her Jessie. Upon calling my good friend in SF, I told her what I had named her, and was greeted with silence. Then, she finally said, "Shelby, that was the name of my very first dog. I loved her so much, and she died in my arms when I was just a girl." Perhaps there is a little bit of Jessie in Jessie.
We arrived home and I attempted to crate train Jessie. We did ok with that, I guess, aside from the horrible, heart-wrenching whining when I left the house, and that time I put the crate too close to my bed. (She tore to pieces an antique quilt and a down blanket while I was at work! Woot! Go Jessie!) We would play ball in the apartment; she never got very good at bringing it back to me. We would go for walks; she particularly loved to go for walk/runs with me during the summer rain/thunderstorms. I tried to let her run in open spaces, but she would just run AWAY from me and didn't listen to any of my voice commands. Not a good combo with a big dog, whom some would find a bit intimidating. Once, I went away for a day or so and asked my mom to walk her for me - Jessie almost pulled her down the stairs. Sorry, Mom! She was in the crate during the day while I worked, or, more often, at work with me. I was lucky enough to work at a place where the boss and boss's girlfriend (who turned out to be a great friend of mine) had white German shepherds that came to work with them. So, Jessie was welcomed there and tried her best to stay out of trouble. ;) I'm sure.
About six months after I adopted Jessie, we moved back to California. It was absolutely terrifying to me to put her on a plane in the cargo hold, but in this case I felt I had no other choice. I gave her some puppy ludes, drank a couple of gin and tonics myself, and we both made it to SF safe and sound. Now, this was 1999. A VERY busy time in San Francisco. The vacancy rate was less that 1%, and I was moving back to try to find a rental for me and my 60 lb dog. Ha! In steps another very good friend, who lived in an awesome apartment just 2 blocks from the beach with her dog. She wasn't too happy with her roommate, so she actually kicked him out so that I could move in! Nice! Insta-sister for me, insta-sister for Jessie, too. We all lived together for about a year or so, and then my friend and her exceptional malamute/rottweiler mix, Alabama, moved to SoCal. Bama passed away a few years ago. In speaking with an animal communicator a few weeks ago, she said that Jessie feels Bama near her. I thought that was really cool.
Jessie and I ended up staying in that apartment for 11 years. It had a rather large back yard, for the neighborhood.
I'd had to stop taking Jess to the dog parks and beaches because we were never able to work well togeter on giving/listening to voice commands and she had a fierce case of fear aggression on lead. It was even hard to take her on walks on the path becuse if there was another dog on the path, she would lay in wait and then pounce on them! Ugh! I tried so hard to get us over this, but to no avail. So Jess became the ruler of our backyard, but still enjoyed camping and road trips from time to time.
Those who have met Jessie know what a sweet, trusting, and happy girl she is. A great watch dog she is not, that's for sure! Just act like you like her, and she's all yours. She greets friends at the door with varying degrees of tail-wagging and singing. If she knows you well, you get the full body wag and hopping and singing to the point of barking - particularly if she knew you during her first year of life. There's something about those people - Cherie especially, my mom, my sisters, my dad, Teri - that she really digs and HAS to turn inside out about.
Jessie loves to lay with her legs splayed out behind her - I call them her chicken legs. She used to stretch waaaaay out, with her front paws in front and her back paws out back. She still lays with her legs out behind her, but in her old age I guess she fails to see the purpose of stretching.
She is quick to turn over on her back for a belly rub, and loves to nap that way especially on a couch. For nighttime, she slept with me, usually starting under the covers - she would nudge the top of the covers with her nose to let me know she wanted under - and then moving down to the foot of the bed. There, she would lean her body against the back or front side of me, head at the foot of the bed. Eventually, with a big breath and a sigh, she would throw her head over my ankles. Then we would both fall into a peaceful sleep. Even after my DH entered our lives, she still slept on the bed with us - although not too often under the covers any more. It wasn't until we got the Princess and the Pea King bed, that she had a hard time getting up onto, that she started to prefer a dog bed on the floor beside our bed.
Upon the arrival of my Scott into our lives, Jessie quickly adopted him as her daddy. He began sharing a lot of the 'letting out' and feeding duties, as the needs arose with our schedules being whatever they were at the time. One of our fun pet tricks is to get Jessie to really sing. The first time I got her to howl, I think I practially fell off my chair laughing. She looked so freaking cute with her lips pursed out in a pucker to make that howl-y sound. Hysterical. This became a regular occurence throughout her life - we'd just stop what we were doing and howl together as a family. Other fun Jessie tricks are eating an apple off the core, just like a person, and doing the same with corn on the cob.
And then came Zoe. Whooo boy. Jess? Was not happy with Zoe. She didn't really know what to make of her, she didn't really know what to do with her, so she generally stayed away from each other. Then, when Zoe was about 18 months old, I had left the living room for a minute, and came back to find Zoe eating a snack - while sitting on top of Jessie, who was laying on her couch. The dog was just looking at me like, "Seriously?" Look! I even took a picture:
Jess and Zoe never became extremely close, but as soon as she's been able, Zoe really has loved to feed Jessie. Since we've moved to Tennessee, she has taken to holding the food bowl for her while she eats. They definitely have a bond, even if not the strong one I see some kids have with their pets. Jess was too old, Zoe was too young for that. And that's okay. I know they still love each other.
When we moved to Tennessee, Jessie came across the country in the Budget Truck with Scott.
They had a good time together, so I hear. Jessie liked the ride, and Scott made a nice space for her in the passenger seat. Since being here, we hav enjoyed several of her most-favorite summer rain/thunderstorm walks, which are nonexistent in SF. We lived with my Sis for a few months to get on our feet, and then we moved into this house, which we love. But I knew that this house would be Jessie's last. She was 13 by now, and for a big dog like her, that's an old, old girl. During our time in this house, she's pretty much had the run of the yard, not really desiring any more than that. We found out just before Christmas that Jess had an agressive form of cancer that had already spread into her lungs. We were told she had no more than two months to live.
Jessie's always loved 'her couch', a little single-sized pullout couch that used to be my great aunt's. It was in front of our second-story window in Bethlehem, and she would sit there for hours with her head resting on the back of it, looking at the people passing by. We almost didn't bring it with us to Tennessee, but my MIL insisted.
I'm really glad that she did, because this is where Jess will peacefully exit this life for the next. When we looked for a vet, the first one that came highly recommended was a mobile vet. She will come here to help us give Jessie a dignified death. I am so incredibly sad, but I am happy that it can happen here.
When she passes, I will hold in my heart all the times I sat on the floor with her and rubbed her belly, all the play times with Bama, all of her silly turning inside out, and her throwing her sweet little head over my ankles at night. She has given me such comfort, and such happiness, and such peace in my life. I find it hard to imagine what my life will be like without her. But then, maybe her spirit will pass on to one of your pets, or to one of our future pets. Who knows? What I know for sure, though, is that she she will no longer be in pain. And I am incredibly grateful that I have the opportunity to give her that gift, after all that she's given me.
I love you Jessie, The Girl-Dog, Poops, Poop-Soup, Poopers, Wiggle, Wiggle-waggle, My Jessie Girl.
(I'm sure that there are things I've neglected to record here. I may add more as time goes on. If you have any memories of Jessie that you'd like to share, I'd love to read them in the comments.)
that was so special!
Posted by: Rachel Parrish | February 03, 2011 at 08:41 PM
Thanks, Rachel!
Posted by: Shelby | February 09, 2011 at 01:34 PM
Hmm.. I was touched by your story. It is sad to lose a dog as sweet as Jessie. :( But then, let's just be happy because she's free of pain now. :) Well, it's a good thing you've decide to cremate her. At least you'll be able to bring her urn together with her memories the next time you have to move into another house. BTW, do you have plans to adopt another dog?
Posted by: Shaunda Devins | January 23, 2012 at 05:16 AM