And so it begins...

After arriving here in the Knoxville area and getting to know several wonderful women from the two local birthing centers, I thought, "Great! That's perfect for me! I'll have my next baby at a birthing center!" Then I became pregnant. And I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach.

You see, Zoe's birth was at a place in San Francisco that was the *very* best option at the time for a natural birth (outside of homebirth, of course). We still ended up with a bunch of unwanted interventions, perhaps starting aaaall the way back with the determination of my 'due' date via ultrasound. Don't get me wrong - I was a warrior for my little girl's birth. Scotty and I fought tooth and nail for her to be able to choose her own birth day.

I don't want to fight anymore. The experience was empowering, and life-changing, and set me up for a very grounded start into motherhood. But I've been there and done that, it served me, and now it's time to move on.

I considered homebirth for a bit. In fact, if I were in SF we would definitely be having a homebirth. But ultimately, there are some things about the homebirth scene here that make me uncomfortable. Not the homebirth midwives themselves - I've met one and talked to another, and really LOVED both of them. I know too much to accept 'some things..that make me uncomfortable.' I believe that my discomfort with some of the things that were happening around Zoe's birth did not help me and made the 'fight' harder. I am very clear that my issues around homebirthing in the Knoxville area are just that, my own.

So, no more fighting. We want to go to a care provider whom we feel we can *completely* trust. We can just rest into their wisdom, let them advise us, and make supported decisions with women that I trust. Hmm. Where could that be...?

Oh, how 'bout The Farm! Before I left SF, a bunch of people were saying to me, "Who knows! Maybe you can have your next baby on The Farm!" I laughed, thinking probably not. After all, it's 3-4 hours away from where I live in Tennessee, and who wants to do THAT drive when you're in labor?? But after some research, the picture of this place and this experience in my mind is all bordered with flowers and sparkle and faith.

I've spoken to two midwives on The Farm, and have loved my conversations with both of them. The best part so far? They use the Harvard Method for determining guess dates, and - get this - my guess dates are a full 5-10 days PAST what my normal guess date would be. I don't know if you can fully appreciate this, but given the intense pressure to induce that I endured with Zoe, and just the general mind f**k that comes with going ''PAST YOUR DUE DATE," I'm so completely relieved.

Another very special part of this place is that it's on a huge...well, a huge commune basically. They teach classes on permaculture and saving the environment, they have a 'Hippe Museum' (LOVE IT!), and also host a myriad of events for midwives. We will have the opportunity to live with all of these wonderful people, to be away from all of the 'shoulds' of our house for the last two weeks or so of my pregnancy and then for a week or two after our next baby joins us. Zoe will come with me, family and friends will come stay with me to help, Scotty will go back and forth for work in the last week or so, then come to stay with us until the baby is born. What an amazing way for our family to honor the arrival of the newest - and last - member of our family with some quiet time away, in the woods, surrounded by like-minded, supportive individuals.

There are some variables that still need to be worked out, but my intuition tells me that this is meant to be, and if something is meant to be...well, it just works out. I remain open, however. I am aware that lots of things can happen during the course of a pregnancy, a few of which might dictate that I stay here and birth in a hospital. And that would be sad, but of course the ultimate concern is for my own health and the health of my unborn child.

I am not clutching this decision to birth at The Farm with a death grip. Rather, I am reveling in the beauty of the possibility. We start our journey there with our first prenatal appointment on July 23rd. I'll let you know how it goes!!